Moving on. To get closer.

Remember back in January when we lost someone who my Mom considered like her Grandma ? Madeleine was her name.

Well, her husband just passed away. Few hours ago actually. One of their daughters just called Mom.

He survived her only 4 months. They were very close and he was over 90 and sick. He finished his life in a hospital.

But it pains me so much. They were such kind people. Also, they were a huge part of my childhood. HUGE. I grew up with their grandchildren. My brother always had a special bond with him. Also my Dear Grandpa used to visit him every week and all…..

My childhood is skipping away. And I can’t do anything about it.

Aurevoir Victor.

Told you today wasn’t my day.

I didn’t sleep enough, didn’t know how to dress, just little things but you just know those kinds of things. It doesn’t need explanation. It’s not my day.

Then, I found that Chris Evans in Drag vid and I thougth I was saved. It did give me a sweet sweet break. But only a break.

And then, mail arrived and I started working on it. And in it, the Mayor received an invitation to a wedding.

That’s how I figured out that 2 of my ancient friends in school are getting married next month.

Cécile and Thomas.

I dated him. We were kids. He was really cute with his little glasses. And I still have a note from him somewhere. And she was a friend of mine. A really good girl. It was someting like 15 years ago but I still remember them quite well. Also I had seen him again in College since we both attempted History College.

So what someone like me would do in this situation ? I went on facebook. I found them. No cute pics of them. No pic at all actually. But I saw  one of their friend there who was in class with us, a guy, Nicolas, who is now apparently a Dad. How fantastic.

So, despite the initial choc of that wedding news, this just reminds me how lonely I am. And not doing anything about my life. The 4 of us, we are all born in 1983. They are good people as I remember them, and I like to think I’m a good person too.

So why are things moving and doing great for them and not for me ?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them.

But I feel like I was at the same point 10 years ago. Worse : I have a job I don’t want and didn’t study for. 10 years ago, I was still studying and full of hope.

Irony of the story ?

I thought at Thomas like 2 days ago. Not kidding. I was thinking about him and how cute he was and that I should check him on FB. I really did think that.

But I guess I have no rights to complain. I have a good health, a home, loving parents and a job. I’m just back from vacation in Barcelona and summer is coming.

So this isn’t a complaining post.

This is just me silently crying at work because my nice life doesn’t fill the hole I have inside. Just next to my heart.

Plus some on my phone.